I’ve recently become enamored with a new blog called Junkbuzzed. The writer shares my bizarre sense of humor and extreme love of convoluted wordplay. I find his vocabulary intoxicating. Yes, I am indeed a weirdo. So it goes. Anyway, I wanted to point you in the direction of a very funnny blog post of his that chronicles his recent run-in, argument and treaty over post-sex sleepovers. The treaty is now referred to as the ‘Fuck And Duck‘.

Here’s a sample of the argument:

I however am not a rational person; I am a man – and a very sleepy one at that. Imagine an artistic, highly sensitive bear in mid-winter’s slumber. Then give him a sense of humor and an emotionally crippling caffeine addiction, and you’ve got me. So I decide to fight back.

“WHAT!”

Yes, that was my way of fighting back. You see, I know this girl – well enough to have sex with her and share her bed from time to time. I also know that by the act of yelling back at her, I have in her mind commenced hostilities.

“DON’T – YOU – FUCKING – YELL – AT – ME – YOU – MOTHERFUCKER – “

Her words are punctuated, if not over-annunciated, by jabs from her spear, which has penetrated both my blanket-cocoon as well as my fetal defenses, and is now poking me square in the kidney.

And here’s the resolution:

- Sleepovers will be conducted in separate beds
- She gets to pick her bed first
- He doesn’t get to bitch about it
- He may stay in her bed until She falls asleep, because She kind of likes that
- But if He falls asleep there, She gets to hit him with a trident

Possible Exceptions to the Fuck-’n-Duck:
- If She is really drunk, He may stay
- If She’s done more drugs than He has, He may stay (because nothing in all the world will wake her from that sleep)
- If He is dying, He may request to spend his last night on earth in her bed (She still has first right of refusal)
- If Obama wins, He may spend the night in her bed, as both parties will be getting waaayyyyyy tanked
- If McCain wins, He may spend the night in her bed, as one or both of them will be moving to Canada the following morning
- If He allows himself to be tased by her, He may sleep in bed (additionally, She gets to keep taser at bedside just in case)

Other articles discussed:
- I am a douchebag, and this is an incontrovertible fact
- Any other douchebag would have had his ass dumped by now; however, I give really good cunnilingus

This is a lengthy post, but it had me laughing through the whole thing. So go check out the entire post and enjoy.

Filed under: Humor, Relationships